Have you ever eaten an entire extra-large double cheese stuffed crust pizza, alone, in your car, in a parking lot?
I have.
How about an entire double chocolate bundt cake, alone, in your basement, while binge-watching episodes on Netflix?
Yep.
76 wings in one sitting?
Uh-huh. Got the t-shirt, buffalo sauce stains and all.
Why? Why was I doing this?
If you’ve ever struggled with some type of disordered eating, you’ve probably asked the same question.
And part of what makes it so frustrating, is knowing that you’re doing something that you “shouldn’t“, yet seemingly not being able to stop yourself.
And then, throw into the mix, the three amigos (Shame, Guilt and Regret) … those idiots, they step out as you sink into the first few bites.
“oh, looks like you’re really enjoying this, we’ll be back in a bit, mmk?“
You’re really getting into it, but you can’t every really enjoy it, because you can feel those three numbskulls peeking around the corner at you … they said they left, but they’re lingering just around the corner.
And then, as you get close to finishing that entire pizza, and there’s just a slice left … you’re stuffed, could barely finish another bite, and they bound back in, and start yapping
“Hah, well, you might as well finish what you started, since you’ve already screwed up royally … at least get rid of the evidence” says Shame.
“Oh man, I can’t wait to see what the scale says tomorrow”, says Guilt, giving Regret a little nudge in the ribs.
“That was a pretty stupid decision” says Regret, “You’re probably gonna wanna not eat all day tomorrow, in fact, I bet you never want to eat again …”
So, did I have an eating disorder?
Well, no, not exactly. I did not have a clinical diagnosis of “Binge Eating Disorder”. But I definitely experienced disordered eating behaviors.
And I think it’s an important distinction to make.
An eating disorder would be something I “have”, and by extension I “am” … e.g. orthorexic.
On the other hand, disordered eating is something I would “do”. It’s a set of behaviors, and thus, can be changed.
So, what are some disordered eating behaviors that I routinely see? Here’s just a couple of examples, pretty much all of which I’ve done at some point in time:
1. Eating regularly for some reason that doesn’t match a physiological need. It can be both eating too much and eating too little.
2. Eating in a way that interferes with normal social functioning. Such as ordering a salad, when you’re with others, and then on the way home, eating McDonalds by yourself.
3. Constantly preoccupied with food. Always thinking about food and either eating, or not eating.
4. Eating in a way that both relieves stress, and causes distress. Such as me, and my pizza alone in the parking lot.
The good news is that, in fact, I did change.
It wasn’t easy. It was an emotional, challenging, frustrating, often painful journey, and one that I tried on my own a number of times between 2013 and 2016, before I finally swallowed my ego, and sought help. I could only get so far before I would self-sabotage, and basically tear it all down.
The first coach I hired, well, that didn’t go so well. He didn’t understand what was actually going on. He prescribed me a meal plan, and gave me his bodybuilding training plan, because in his eyes, my problem was that I was fat. So, let’s tackle “the fat”.
And, when I didn’t comply, I was basically shamed … “You know what to do, why aren’t you doing it? I thought you were better than that.”
I lasted about 3 weeks before I realized that, no, my fat wasn’t the root cause of my problems. And this coach, was only equipped to handle “the fat”.
You know the kind … the ones who prescribe a plan, and then basically try to shame you into compliance. “here’s your meal plan“. (But, they look so good on Instagram, they must have it all figured out right?)
It didn’t help that I felt horribly inferior because he had a much better physique than I did. (At the time, I didn’t realize that his physique was not achieved naturally, and I couldn’t understand how he could seemingly eat whatever he wanted and look shredded)
“The Fat” … well, it was the symptom. And unless I tackled the root cause, I was doomed to stay on the yo-yo diet cycle I had been on.
It actually put me off of coaching for a couple of months. I thought, if this is what coaches are like, then I might as well go back to trying this myself.
But, in July of 2017, I hired another coach. And this time, it was different. When I “screwed up”, he didn’t treat me differently. We just talked about what was going on.
In fact, he helped me understand why I behaved the way I did. He could explain things so clearly, yet so simple.
When I finally understood what was driving my behaviors, I gradually stopped beating myself up. He taught me about self-compassion. (Interestingly, he was a natural bodybuilder, and the last thing I expected from him, another guy, was to be learning about self-compassion)
Most importantly, I just knew he CARED. He wasn’t just interested in getting me rapid fat loss for another “before and after” to fluff his Instagram feed. He actually wanted to help me, and not just lose the weight, but teach me what I needed to do, to keep the weight off permanently.
I worked with him for 12 months. Sometimes progress was agonizingly slow. I think I lost about 9lbs in the first 6 months. But what I didn’t realize, was that major transformation was happening under the surface. The stuff you don’t see in before and after photos. And, at some point, something went “click”.
And over the next 6 months, I lost 26lbs. And, over the next 6 months, I dropped another 25lbs. And … I did it without “dieting”. The skills he taught and worked with me, even after our time together, they keep working.
It’s not the linear “2lbs a week” that we’re told is “normal”. And I’ve learned to stop trying to force the issue.
My way of life, my daily habits, they’re just moving me closer and closer to my ideal weight. And, I can keep living like this. I’m never going on a diet again, and that feels amazing.
These days, I still have a coach. Why?
Because I’m human. I still hit roadblocks along the way. Having a coach to help work through those challenges saves me huge amounts of time, energy and frustration. Also, it helps me to stay “checked in” so that I don’t forget what it feels like to be a client. And, accountability. I perform better when I know I’ll be checking in with someone.
And, this is what I do for my clients in Lifestyle-180. It’s never just about “the program”. It’s about being there and connecting at a human level. People don’t struggle because they’re dumb or weak. They struggle because they’re human, and real life is hard.
Hiring a coach is about shaving months, if not YEARS of time, energy and frustration. It’s not just about getting you to a goal. It’s about setting you up for a life where the results you get are the results you keep.
