The difference between wisdom and ignorance is the ability to appreciate nuance.

Too many arguments (“discussions”) devolve into 2 extreme camps competing for who can shout the loudest (Unfortunately, loud shouting isn’t really regarded as a hallmark of intellect).

These loud shout-y extreme camps then seek to push all opposing opinions into an opposite extreme camp to justify their abuse of people who disagree with them.

Steven Covey popularized the quote (originally attributed to St. Francis of Assisi):
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“First seek to understand, then seek to be understood”.

How can we turn this into something practical?

As much as possible, I seek to apply this when entering into a discussion with someone who holds an opposing viewpoint.

I try to enter these discussions with one objective: to learn

The moment my motive shifts from learning, to convincing, the discussion is now tainted, because I’m now looking to satisfy my ego, by another person acknowledging I am “right”.

I would much rather someone listen to my perspective, consider it for its merits, and on their own time, come to their own conclusions.

I’m not perfect at this, I’m still an emotional human being with an ego, but as I get older, I find myself trying to spend less time consuming information, and more time reflecting.

This is why I’ve gained significant appreciation for the written word. It affords me the opportunity to exercise critical thinking, as well as it affords others the opportunity to reflect on what I share, and on their own time, come to their own conclusions.

Imagine how different the discussions of controversial issues would be, if parties involved entered into them with the objective of understanding first.

I’m not suggesting we’d all be holding hands and humming Kumbaya, I’m a realist who studies psychology and human nature.

But, when we stop trying to make ourselves “right”, by making another “wrong”, we open the door to much more productive discussions that have a much higher likelihood of uncovering mutually beneficial solutions that move us forward as a society.